Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
