I must be too annoying 4 u.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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