i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
When are your genitals available?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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