There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
