you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
