Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize