I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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