I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
