just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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