1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
