i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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