does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
