We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
