dude i'm inner monologue high
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
