I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
