Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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