I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
