i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
