It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
