i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
