Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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