you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
