as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
