i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
