He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have post one night stand depression
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