I want to make a zoo with you.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
