I just saw a hot homeless man
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
