K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
