Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
