I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
