I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize