Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize