he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
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