To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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