im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Everyone says I win the strip club
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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