WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
