Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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