so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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