So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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