ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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