I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
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