..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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