never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize