he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
