I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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