My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
