I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize