I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
as a side note pls kill me
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