it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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