God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize