It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
