singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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