in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
