oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
