I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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