dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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