i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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