grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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