and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
