Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize