sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
