so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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