I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize