So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize