its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
