if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
